I'm going to paint flames on my DVR

Seriously, I think my DVR should have flames on the side of it.

For a long time, I resisted the TiVo craze and swore that if I wasn't there to see a show, then I just didn't need to see it. My coworkers scoffed at me and told me that one day I would come over to the Dark Side. Well, I'm here, it's pitch black and I love it!

My poor little DVR (I got the one from the cable company, not from TiVo) is probably the hardest working device in my house. I try to save money on the power bill by keeping it a tad cool/cold in the winter and warm in the summer. Usually, I cook enough meals on Sunday to last the entire week, but my DVR would probably record 4 shows at a time if it could.

I almost hate it when I talk to someone and they ask me "Have you seen that new TV show? It's great!" Argh. I try to resist, I really do, but the next day I find myself searching through my listings to set the recorder.

During the winter hiatus of my regular shows I was doing pretty well. There wasn't a whole lot being recorded so I could record repeats of the recommended shows without worrying about missing something else. Now that most of the shows are first runs (my new DVR lingo) I have to go through my recording options to adjust things appropriately. I don't even know what channel or day things come on anymore. I couldn't even begin to tell you. I just know that I have to catch up once a week or risk losing it all. Of course I can always watch it online if I have to. The only problem is that doesn't work for the Quantum Leap or Laverne and Shirley reruns.

I feel like I need to change from full time to part time employment just to keep up with my habit. Maybe I can just run on sleep deprivation until the summer hiatus kicks in.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

In the last few years I have noticed very distinct lines forming on my face. Not really a big deal, I'm fast approaching 40 but haven't quite made it there yet. These sorts of things are expected.

One problem with all this is that I was also looking through some pictures and found a picture of my grandmother. She was a lovely woman, albeit slightly crazy, but she had A LOT of wrinkles. I mean, I'm not sure that a shar pei wouldn't have thought - Damn! That and having just seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button probably didn't help either.

I already wear a moisturizer with sunscreen in it so I did some research and bought some other cream with Retinol in it. That seemed to work okay, but my skin was drying out and my "witch hazel as toner" routine wasn't really keeping my skin soft. So last week I bought a little tool with an exfoliator and pore cleanser attachment. It works great, but I still feel weird.

I don't wear a lot of makeup and I try to keep things in my life simple. Yet here I am shelling out $30 on lotion, $20 on retinol cream and another $30 on an electric skin cleaner. I'm not proud of it, but on the other side, my skin has never looked so radiant. I'm sure I look days younger! It must be worth it, right?

Gingko, ummm, something

So I was thinking about a story that came out a while back about the woman who never forgets. I can only imagine that it makes your brain hurt to remember EVERY SINGLE THING about your entire life. I mean every hurt, every joy and every meaningless event is just there in your head. Whew. That's got to be tough.

Then I started thinking about what it's like to be her friend, family member or significant other. I mean, not only can you not screw up, but forget re-gifting or anything like that. She'll remember that Aunt Bee gave that present to Andy and now Andy's passing it on to Thelma Lou.

Arguments with her must be a bear too. How do you have an argument with someone who is never wrong about the details of something that happened. I like the idea that I can rewrite my history a little bit to make me appear less of a fool or even get out of a little housework. "Honey, I promise that I scooped the litterbox last." "No. I know that I scooped it. It was 8:43pm and you were eating roasted red pepper hummus and I had to pick up 3.4 pieces of poop that included some tinsel and plastic bags that were on the floor since December 26th at 1:14pm." Ummm, okay.

Mixed Emotions

It's certainly a historic day as we welcome in our 44th and first African American president. However, today, my thoughts are much closer to home.

On Saturday night in a residential area of the New Orleans French Quarter at 8:00pm, a 39 year old bartender was shot and by killed armed robbers. Two of them were 15 year olds and the other was only 14. It's only 4 blocks from where I spend a great deal of time and it's in an area that seems relatively safe. And did I mention that they are 15 and 14? Holy crap!

Now I know that many people who are not from New Orleans will think that there is no such thing as a safe part of this city. I've grown up here and I can tell you that there are most certainly some really dangerous areas but there are also areas where you can walk your dog at midnight and not worry about who may be lurking in the shadows.

As our country celebrates the unprecedented changes about to occur in the nation's capital, I just hope for peace right here in my hometown. This city and the people here have been through a lot. We don't stay because we are ignorant or lazy. We stay because we love this city and the other people who work and live here and hope to help this beautiful place fulfill her potential.

My favorite quote is one from a local newspaper writer named Chris Rose. (If you've never read anything by him, I highly recommend it: His book and his newspaper articles.) "I have discovered that the only thing worse than being in New Orleans these days is not being in New Orleans. "

My First

Well, here we go. This is the first blog I've ever written although I have extensive experience as a blog voyeur.

I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately about choices I’ve made in the past and how to proceed with the future.

I’m 37 years old, single but involved and feel as though my accomplishments are limited. I have a niece that I love more than anything but she lives 1100 miles away. I’ve been dating the same man for over 10 years and there’s no sign of commitment from him. So I can’t help but wonder, what happens next?

I know how I got here, it just seemed to happen quicker than I ever thought it could. As a kid, I thought my parents and other adults were crazy when they talked about how fast time went by. Christmas and summer breaks seemed to take forever and now weeks and months seem to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. Years were lost to chaos when a little storm named Katrina shook my world like a giant snowglobe. Still, it's been a blur for the last 10 years or so.

So here I am, wanting to be a mother and still holding out hope. My clock is ticking so loud I'm starting to think I live next to Big Ben. My heart hurts thinking about having to make the choice between the man I love and the idea of having a child. He says that he wants kids, but it's hard to imagine him committing to a life with a child when he can't commit to me. Is that the kind of father that I want for my baby? What if I'm not ever someone's mother? Is that something that I can live with? I honestly don't know, but it feels wrong. I feel like I was meant to be someone's mom.

But I love my guy and so, for now, I remain undecided on what to do next. Hopefully, I can find a way to hold on to the days and pay attention to the passage of time.